Re-defining Success

Here we go: 7 Steps to Finding Your Passion, 10 Ways to a Happier You, 101 Tips to Guarantee A Successful Life.... Hmmmmm. 


I have just seen another of these annoying 'articles', popped up on my LinkedIn homepage,  this one by Caroline Knight for Recruiter.com.  "Steps to Finding Your Passion". All of it is frankly just simple common sense, and even more frankly, more than a tad patronising. If you weren't already aware of this stuff, you'd surely be slightly thick, IMHO.


There seems to be a constant barrage of advice on either finding your dream job, becoming the happiest person on the planet, finding a career you love, having the best sex ever or looking amazing and feeling fantastic. Because of course it's so easy isn't it? Just read this article, follow the steps/tips and woooshka! Glory, success, health, beauty, happiness, the lot, are all yours. Yup. Uh-huh. Er, well no actually.


God but I'm fed up with reading this mind numbing nonsense. I am ever hopeful of reading something enlightening, something worthwhile, something that actually makes a difference to my life.  The promises, however, are always empty and I'm left deflated and frustrated, none the wiser than before I read the damned thing and a few minutes poorer in precious time.


I can't help wondering how the b'jeezus editors the world over continue allowing this drivel into their publications. Are there really droves of people out there buying magazines on the strength of silly promises adorning the front cover of glossies which say they'll 'unlock the secret to your potential'? All the 'How To..'s' that tell you nothing you didn't already know in life. Nothing. They should read 'Common Sense And Obvious Tips On How To [whatever] For Dimwits".


The reality check is this. We all know full well what we need to do in order to achieve greatness, peace, zen, whatever. And why don't we all do it? Why are we all not living the dream, in divine, harmonious joy? I'll tell you why. Because of the definition of success that most of us live by, that's why.


Most of us grow up with a general need to earn money to live. We finish school, get a job and begin the journey of survival. We rent, get a car, take holidays, then buy property, get married, have kids and you know what? In all this, we work in jobs that pay for all these things. If only we didn't have to get the kids to school, drive an hour to work, get home at 7pm and do homework, cook dinner and do the ironing, well then daily yoga and mediation to find inner peace would indeed be achievable. If taxes, school fees, the mortgage and bills didn't sap two thirds of our salaries, we could afford the risk of launching a new business selling home made jewellery, starting a funky village cafe,  becoming a wedding photographer.


However..... stop press!  How about if, instead of all this 'under-living' and 'if only's, we were to redefine our own definition of success? From early on, our expectations are set about what it means to be successful in life. Generally this is measured by money and possessions. All things material. But truth be told, the happiest people I've met through my life thus far, have less than most. If we could just review and re-set our aspirations to be based on values, senses and experiences rather than material things, suddenly, all these impossibilities may actually become accessible.  Think about it. If we can live more simply, life becomes more simple. Striving to reach ever greater heights in career, popularity, earnings, a better home, faster car, a six pack, whatever, they're a bit of a hiding to nothing in the grand scheme of things. There's no pot of gold at the end of those rainbows. Wouldn't it be more fulfilling to strive for things that mean something to us and those we love?


Take the Waltons - how happy were they and they had bugger all. No sexy Audi A5 in the driveway, no XBox Kinect in their 'teen retreat' and definitely no original Philip Stark Ghost Chairs to be seen at that lovely old kitchen table they all lived around. No, they were all about love, family and values.


Ok, I admit that's a bit of a dodgy analogy, but you get the picture.


An example that's more real to me is of a young man I met in India some years back called Ravi Kavia who made and sold jewellery from his tiny makeshift 'shop' in Jaipur. He was a happy, friendly soul and introduced my travelling companion and I to his friends.  They invited us to a 'party', to eat with them one day. It was an extraordinary experience I'll never forget. I was 21 at the time and we had no money to speak of so they had no hidden agenda to get anything from us, we just got on well. They invited us to one of their homes and produced lots of delicious food for us and then we sat in a circle on the floor and ate with them, from plates they'd made from banana leaves laced together with toothpics. They lived in shabby one-room homes with their families and had barely any possessions, but were always smiling. So long as they earned a living, they were happy living life as it was for them. We chatted about what they wanted to do (they were all in their early 20's) and it was all about getting married, having children, maybe having their own 'shops' like Ravi and of course, going to the cinema was a biggie to them.  These were people living living simple lives and happily so.


I am surrounded by people living unfulfilled lives, complaining of stress, sleep problems, loathsome jobs, not seeing enough of their children, money worries and the like, and yet they keep going in the pursuit of 'things'. And most are self-medicating with wine, Valium or Prozac to make themselves feel better about their unfulfilled lives. Unless you stand back and look at your life and what you actually really want from it, I mean really want, with real honesty and truth to yourself, unless you can look yourself in the eyes (mirror required for this bit) and see what the things are in life that will give you happiness and your life real meaning, then you will stay in that cycle of wanting and under-living.


So rather than keep looking for some golden nugget of insight as to how I can achieve true success in life with better planning, more sleep, a course in something or a few years networking my arse off, I think perhaps I shall re-evaluate what I actually want to achieve by the time I die.  I think I may look for a new definition for success in my life. I also think it may take some time, but if I really do want a simpler life (and I really do!) then I'll do it.